Social Skills Part 1

From what i comprehend of this essential skill in life, it amuses me and my brother at moments when individuals are not aware of what it really means to sharpen your social skills.

Do you measure by the number of contacts in your circle?

The amount of time spent with different groups of people?

Or, perhaps, being occupied with activities all the time?

I would like to draw your attention to a more narrow perspective. To a simple conversation. In my objective of having good social skills in a conversation is simple :

- Able to listen, decipher, consider and then respond accordingly.
- Able to share your fair share of experiences and point of view with proper consideration of the other party's feelings.
- To establish good contact or improved relationship with the person by the end of the day.

However, over and over again, it never cease to occur that all these simple objectives will be swept away with individuals suffering from several social sickness symptoms.

1. SAS (Short Attention Span) : Unable to focus and establish proper dialogues with an individual or a group of individuals in an appropriate manner.

Allow me to illustrate.

John : Hey, Allen! Would like to ask about yesterday's assignment.
Allen : Yeah, sure, go ahead.
John : Alright. About page 48, you know where it requires to express our . .

(Maria cuts in abruptly)

Maria : Allen! How are you!? I heard that you were going to participate in the event this friday!
Allen : Oh you heard? Yeah, I'll be there, it's going to be really fun ... (continues)

Just imagine how would John feel ? o.o' Just a moment ago, he was trying to establish a proper dialogue with Allen but Maria just had to interrupt the contact and prioritize her social need. Allen on the serious note, is suffering from SAS. He obviously knew that John was talking to him earlier but he couldn't ask Maria to give him a moment to reply to John.

2. "I Shall Speak Whenever I Like."

This disease comes in various ways; the concept is the same at the end of the day. They just can't help it, they need to be heard, they need to speak, more importantly, they can't just listen. It's different when you hear, and when you Actually Listen. Listening requires more mental energy, focus and attention. You can't decipher information by just hearing them, you need to listen and grasp what the other person is actually SAYING.

Sounds easier than it looks huh?

The problem usually lies with the fact that the individual isn't interested to listen to begin with. He/She just want to be heard. Not hidden away from the "noise". They either speak LOUDER, insist on the same point in different ways or exactly the same sentence, end up talking to themselves or share their "wise" point of view at every possible opportunity. Thing is, that's not going to make you look sociable, it only makes it look the exact opposite.

I like this quote from Bleach (anime), where Aizen Sousuke said this,

"It's different when you admire someone than actually understanding that someone."

Something like that .. But anyhow, the point is, if you're looking for some to admire you and think, " He/She's the bomb!" That isn't actually socializing, that's just a temporary hype and amazement which people would just move on knowing that you're actually no one unique or extraordinary. People are actually seeking to understand and to be understood. It's a mutual understanding.

- End of Part 1 -